No Phone 'Til College

We hope you all enjoyed the Global Day of Unplugging March 6-7. From the halls of Saxe Middle School to your own homes, New Canaan turned out in a big way for the annual event!

Let's keep the momentum going with our next Family Tech story. This story charts one local family's journey from Elementary School through High School. The Goal: No Phone 'Til College! Waiting until college might have sounded ambitious a few years ago, but with rapidly changing perceptions around when kids should have access to smart phones and greater acceptance for navigating life without one, it seems more attainable than ever before.

Our Devices:

For a 10th grader at NCHS.

• 10th grader devices: MacBook Air, iPad, Apple watch
• Other home devices: Alexa Echo 5 alarm clock, parent apple watches, PCs, a landline - that is never used!

He uses his Apple watch (iPad and Macbook Air) for texting friends, making phone calls, listening to free Spotify music through bluetooth devices (hat, earphones,etc.) and, as of this year, follows his sports teams on X.

 Device rules:

• Passwords to everything are shared - no exceptions.
• Watch, iPad and MacBook - used and stay downstairs.
• iPad use allowed upstairs on some weekends, but downstairs overnight.
• Social media: only X (formerly Twitter) for following sports related posts and some politics. I have his password and check the feeds sporadically to ensure nothing bad sneaks in.

 Our Commitment: No iPhone until high school graduation… No Phone ‘Til College! (honoring the Beastie Boys “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn!”)

 Our Path to an iPhone:

1st - 2nd grades

GizmoPal watch.  It was perfect for a young child - rugged, no screen, just one button - and only a few features, but good enough to track his location and talk to him, if necessary.

• Why? Like many families, this tech journey started with us. We wanted to be able to track our son when he went on field trips, etc. ensuring he was safe and reachable. He really had no interest in the watch, although he wore it with no issue and was able to use it to call us when he needed to. I now wonder, why did we feel the need to communicate with him this young? We all survived taking the bus to/from school and playing with kids down the street without our parents constantly knowing our whereabouts. Truthfully,  I think we might have caused some of this craziness, as overprotective parents fearing the silence of being 'out of touch' with our child. 

3rd grade

GizmoGadget watch upgrade.  It looked more like an Apple Watch with added features like texting and a step counter, but it had a glitchy connection through their Gizmo app - and did not allow texting to the watch directly. This made it more complicated, especially for the non-parental contacts who used it infrequently.

• Why? A couple of years later, he was complaining that the GizmoPal looked like a baby watch. Truthfully, he was right. He had a list of solid arguments as to why he NEEDED an iPhone. His appeal was heard… along with another plea, and a presentation, for a TV in his bedroom. He shared the advantages we would gain if we bought them for him. He got an A for effort, but unfortunately did not change our decision on either. But we listened. We purchased the upgraded version of the Gizmo - complete with a touch screen. He loved it because it looked like an Apple watch and allowed him to text us with a pulldown list of texts he could choose.

4th- 5th grades

The pleading for an iPhone began. It started slowly and morphed into weekly persuasive arguments as to why it would be a good idea for him and for us. Poor kid - as so many kids got phones before heading to SAXE!

• Why? Unfortunately, the GizmoGadget didn’t show the time without pressing a button. Seriously, who has a watch that doesn’t show the time on its face?! That became another reason for why he wanted, forgive me - why he needed an iPhone. He rationalized that when he moved up to SAXE he really needed a phone because he is a ‘walker’. He then gave us a million reasons why having an iPhone would be great - ability to track him in real time, free texting back and forth with no app, access to a shared calendar and reminders to help him keep on top of his workload, etc. All these good things were not offered on his GizmoGadget.
• A few months after entering middle school, we met with the 5th grade principal, for a routine meeting about our son’s transition. At the end of the meeting, I asked him what one piece of advice he would give us about navigating middle school years. He paused to think, then said - “As hard as it will be, don’t give your son a smartphone for as long as you can!”. He shared stories of the downside of having iPhones too early - social media access to inappropriate content, cyber bullying, extortion rings posing as friends, distraction from staying present and in the moment, and a general decrease in teen social skills…to name a few. He mentioned the “Wait Until 8th” movement encouraging parents to delay phones until 8th grade to protect kids' mental health and early exposure to social media. He paused again, and said, since you asked my opinion, I would wait until he finishes high school. There is no good reason to have a smartphone any earlier.
• This was not the advice I thought would be the most important thing to communicate - I thought keeping up with the more difficult schoolwork and homework, finding good friends, taking chances in Middle School while it “doesn’t count”, dealing with bullying, etc. would all come before withholding an iPhone! In retrospect, I was wrong. These devices make all of those things listed harder to achieve. So - we decided to get on board with his advice. We started with the “Wait until 8th” and would re-visit if anything changed at that point. Our son complained - as 5th grade was a very popular time for kids to get iPhones and he felt left out. We stayed strong in our conviction.

6th - 7th grades

Following the release of Apple Family Setup, we got him an Apple Watch SE. This seemed like a good compromise - an Apple product allowing all the comms of an iPhone (and connection to other Apple products) without an actual iPhone!

• Why? The summer before 6th grade, I learned about the Apple Family Setup that was recently introduced allowing an Apple watch to be paired to a parent phone rather than needing its own iPhone tether. This was an incredible solution - it gave my son the cool phone with all the functionality he “needed” - phone, text, calls etc. along with the features he wanted - FaceTime, calendar/reminders, Apple cash, SIRI, etc. It kept parental features like his current watch, but gave him so much more freedom. He was happy….for a bit.

8th Grade

We told our son we would stay the course, no phone in 8th grade.

• Why? When 8th grade rolled around, we realized that the iPad that our son had gotten in 7th grade provided all the access that he needed. All of his devices communicated easily with each other - truly a huge positive of the Apple platform. So - we decided to hold off until high school graduation. As you can guess, our son was not happy.

9th grade

Upgraded to a newer version of the Apple watch with the larger face - to ease communication, mainly typing and reading texts. Our son was happy to get the upgrade, but disappointed it wasn’t a phone.

• Why? We did want to honor his moving up to NCHS, but not with a phone. So, we decided to upgrade him to a new fancier version of the watch…and make it bigger since he has grown into a tall young man.

10th grade

Our son introduced a new argument: "I am the only 10th grader in the State of Connecticut that doesn’t have an iPhone!!" To his dismay, we remain committed to our decision. He has since accepted this and stopped asking.

• Why? Now, our son is in 10th grade. As to his insistence that he is the only 10th grader in NC and possibly CT that doesn’t have an iPhone - he may just be right! But, he has all that he needs to communicate and stay current. He does miss out on a few group chats his teammates and friends have on some social media platforms, but nothing important. Truthfully - that is a social media issue more than a phone issue. Also - when teachers ask kids to use their phones for something during class, or when SLOBS provides a QR code to register attendance - he reminds me that he can’t because he doesn’t have a phone. Poor kid!

11th - 12th grades

Our son will get an iPhone as a graduation gift…June 2028. He will be so excited!

• Why? I see phones as a complete distraction from social interactions. My son said that at NCHS, he has felt a bit awkward when his friends were all on their phones at lunch instead of having conversations with each other. Everyone is separately looking at their own devices! This year, NCHS started their “Off and Away” cellphone policy where phones are to be’ off and away’ throughout the school day except for 2 designated zones: the cafeteria and the library. I hope this will bring back more social conversations, laughter in the cafeteria and kid’s chatter while moving between classes. I know that NCHS realizes the benefit to limiting technology at school and has additional plans for a “phone free school” for next year. I hope these changes will make my son feel less awkward for being the only kid with no phone during the school day. Truthfully, he is just a bit ahead of that curve.
• Lastly, our son is turning 16 this summer, just before his junior year. Now our conversations will turn to learning to drive. Truthfully, I am concerned about any 16 year old driving with a cell phone in the car. The State of CT doesn’t allow drivers under 18 to use a phone, even with a hands-free accessory. But most of them do anyway…and the cell phone is typically not tucked away in their backpacks. I want to help my son learn to drive before loading him with other distractions (phones, passengers, etc). The distraction of each text ding or call could be a recipe for disaster to a young driver, one that we would like to avoid!

In Summary

Having a couple of Apple devices like a MacBook, iPad and a watch really does decrease the need for a smart phone because all of the devices are synced. You can start something on one device and finish it on the other - seamlessly! This makes our decision much easier to stick to. In the end, I am so glad we held off getting our son a smart phone. His 2028 graduation will be here before we know it!

• Why? Because once you give your child a phone, it is almost impossible to take it back!

We hope you find it helpful to see how other families manage their technology choices. If you would like to share your family's technology journey, please drop us a note at newcanaanunplugged@gmail.com!

Unplugged Book Discussion Rescheduled!

Friday March 27, 2026

Please join us for our rescheduled book discussion of Jean Twenge's book, 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World on March 27, 2026. It has practical recommendations for parents and illuminating real life experiences from Jean's own struggles balancing technology while raising her teen-agers.

When: Friday March 27, 2026 at 9:30am

Where: Le Pain Quotidien - 81 Elm Street, New Canaan

ARTICLES WORTH YOUR TIME

Jonathan Haidt's latest evidence - In case you missed it, Jonathan Haidt appeared the New York Times Podcast "Hard Fork" in January. Speaking with Kevin Roose and Casey Newton, Dr. Haidt laid out new evidence meant to counter some of the initial criticism that The Anxious Generation received when it was first released in 2024. Click HERE to listen to the episode.

Argument for Screen Free Classrooms at Harvard - A recent Op Ed in the Harvard Crimson argues that all screens, including laptops, should be banned from classes at Harvard. Amelia Barnum, the author outlines her reasoning with real world examples finishes by saying "Learning in a Harvard classroom is a privilege. Let’s not let laptops get in the way." Click HERE to read the piece on the Harvard Crimson Website.

3 Ways Parents can Reduce Screentime for Kids - Catherine Price, co-author of The Amazing Generation with Jonathan Haidt, has 3 practical recommendations for parents looking to reduce their children's screentime: Model the behavior you'd like to see, invest in shared Family phones and have kids pay for their own phone. Click HERE to read the piece on CNBC.com

Help New Canaan Unplug

If you are interested in creating a healthier relationship with technology for our children, please check out our survey HERE to let us know how you can help.

New Canaan Unplugged is a parent-run group completely independent from the New Canaan Public School System and the Town of New Canaan.