Another Perspective

The Unplugged team is excited to share another New Canaan Family's approach to technology. Parents often feel alone with the choices they make around devices, unsure if they are being too strict or too lenient. Ultimately, the best decisions are the ones that work for your family, but we hope these stories help in framing options that can build a healthier relationship with technology for everyone.

Family: 3 children. 2 in middle school, 1 in high school, all in the New Canaan Public School system.

Current Devices: One Smart Phone, One Laptop

Path to Devices:

• All children would use moms' devices to communicate with friends originally (and yes, all of them would ask for their own devices all the time. To which we said: you'll get a phone in high school. So the firstborn is our first "device management experiment." His brothers are just watching how things play out.)
• Smart Phone was given to our rising 9th grader two weeks before starting high school 
• Laptop was given to same freshman three weeks before starting high school 
• Middle schoolers do not have any devices except school-provided chromebooks

Device Management:

• Parents have one consistent message "the phone is a privilege, not a right" which means it is not the child's property. I think of it like a business phone owned by an employer.
• Phone has a password protected timer for video game app usage per day (i.e. one hour max a day). It's used most on school bus commutes.
• WIFI at home has child safety features so content remains age appropriate.
• Zero purchases can be made via any device including free trial subscriptions (because managing them is a headache).
• There are no screens for entertainment purposes on Mondays and Wednesdays across the board so parents make sure to have a ton of good books available because boredom leads to sibling rivalry.
• Video games are played on other days on our tv or a laptop (or both) in the living room so all online activity is in a public space.
• Devices are in the parents' room at night and sometimes even the Nintendo Switch II to prevent sneaking gaming.

Device privileges suspended if:

• Grades fall.  Devices are returned only after a child emails their teacher for solutions that can increase their grades and the grades go up.
• Behavior is an issue, especially if associated with playing video games then it's a clear connection and the consequences are understood. 
• Extracurriculars are dropped or impacted negatively because having a device creates disinterest in doing things in real life. I monitor this. 
• Devices are snuck into rooms at night which doesn't happen now since we hold them in parents' bedroom on mom's side. (Mom is a light sleeper.)
• Passwords are changed without informing a parent or there is a free trial on a subscription to trial an app even if it's using their allowance debit card.
• Social media apps are downloaded. We haven't crossed that bridge yet. Video games and gaming apps are the challenge in our home.

We hope you find it helpful to see how other families manage their technology choices. If you would like to share your family's technology journey, please drop us a note at newcanaanunplugged@gmail.com!

UPCOMING LOCAL EVENTS

Jennifer Wallace

October 29, 2025 - 7pm at the Saxe Auditorium

Join New Canaan CARES for an inspiring conversation as Jennifer Wallace shares insights from six years of research on how mattering fuels well-being, resilience, and connection. Guided by Kelly, the discussion will explore how to practice mattering in everyday life—helping others feel seen, valued, and essential, while also navigating our own challenges during times of stress, burnout, and transition.

It going to be an uplifting evening exploring the power of purpose and connection. Come be part of this special evening! This is a free event, open to the community.  Register at newcanaancares.org

Lenore Skenazy

November 19th, 2025 - 7pm at the Saxe Auditorium

Join guest speaker, Lenore Skenazy, founder of the “Free-Range Kids” movement and co-founder and president of Let Grow, as she shares a powerful message about why fostering independence is essential for childhood growth and resilience. Drawing on her work with Let Grow, a nonprofit she co-founded with Jonathan Haidt (Author of The Anxious Generation), Skenazy will provide parents with insights and strategies to help children build confidence, self-reliance, and resilience in today’s world.

This event is free to attend thanks to the generous support of the NCPS PTCs and New Canaan CARES. Click HERE for more information.

ARTICLES WORTH YOUR TIME

One Community's Experiment with a Phone-Free Childhood - An inspiring article in Time Magazine about "The Balance Project" - a parent-run nonprofit working to rebuild communities to encourage childhood independence and get kids off screens. Click HERE to read on Time.com

OpenAI is rolling out Parental Controls - Next month, OpenAI will roll out new features to give parents more control over how children interact with their AI chat bots. The new controls were created amid growing concern over how the chatbot behaves in mental health contexts, specifically with youth users. Click HERE to read the article on Time.com

Tips to Scale Back Phone Use - Jonathan Haidt appeared on the Today Show recently to provide some practical advice about reducing the amount of time kids spend on their phones. Click HERE to read a summary of the appearance and view a video of the segment.

Another Guide to Kid Friendly Phones - The editors at Parents.com tested the best Kid-Friendly phones for easy communication without all the distractions. Parents.com conducts their own independent testing, but may receive compensation if you click on any of the links they provide. Click HERE to see their recommendations.

Help New Canaan Unplug

If you are interested in creating a healthier relationship with technology for our children, please check out our survey HERE to let us know how you can help.

New Canaan Unplugged is a parent-run group completely independent from the New Canaan Public School System and the Town of New Canaan.